The courage and wisdom to say out loud the truths that people don’t want to hear is true leadership, but it is a tough, challenging, and not delightful and will upsets people and makes the leader unpopular.
Saying NO to a client, to a seller, to upper management, to your staff, and the hardest one to yourself is something challenging each time you say it. You will never get used to it, but it might become your norm which something you should avoid.
In most management and leadership courses and books, often there is a chapter on how to say NO and why we should learn this skill. In my journey during the last 25 years, I really tried hard to say NO, but I have failed many times and this came back to haunt me in Scope creep, unplanned cost, lost in P&L, and sometimes, losing a client. So I have decided to train myself of saying NO more often and here are the things I started to put in my mind:
1. NO is the default first answer, say no think later if YES
2. YES is the evil, saying yes will have a higher cost on me, so no will save me
3. NO is the easy way out from any commitment
After few months of doing that I have discovered that it was the worse thing I ever did as a manager and a leader!
1. Started losing customers, and worse, I lost them as friends and potential future customers
2. The cost of saying no was a lot higher on my sales, P&L, and inner satisfaction
3. I have downgraded myself to a manager rather than being a leader
So what is the answer?
The answer is to say “YES But….”.
For example, a client of mine approached me for a change request that might bring me 2 million extra sales but it will extend my contract with him for another year which something will comeback and hunt me in my P&L for the coming year. So the right answer is to say no to that client. This is very important client and I usually get a contract or to each year from him, saying no might impact our relationship, so here what I did:
- ME: Thank a lot for the change request and the 2 million extra, this is amazing and will help my sales target this year.
- CLIENT: It is my pleasure….I am very excited on this change and will be an addition to our scope
- ME: We will start working on it right away, BUT first let us assess the impact of this on the overall project….we will get back to you tomorrow
- CLIENT: Thanks a lot
Now, I know that I should said NO the moment he requested this change, but I know that he will not be happy and he will go to my management and might even force the change. So I will be losing the relationship and change will be enforced. So it is a double losses.
By saying “YES, But…” I gave myself a room to get back to him and say NO based on researched answer.
After a day and working with my team on the request….
- ME: Thanks again for the change request. After reviewing the change request and the pros and cons, I really think that this change will impact the overall project negatively. I have another solution. Why not creating new project and put this change in the new project scope with additional scope we think it will be useful for you and the overall new project will be around the 2 million you want to spend
- CLIENT: This is fine but it will take more time to do so
- ME: The time needed to create new project “from RFP to contract” will be saved as we can start the process of designing the change while procurement process taking place
- CLIENT: Fine, let us start the process
In the example above, I still said NO to the client but I saved the relationship and even got new sales from him.
The same goes for dealing with your staff
I always get promotion requests from my staff, saying NO right away will impact their performance and passion to give more. Here is an example of saying Yes, But…
- Employee: Hello, I am here to request a promotion. Will you support me to get a promotion this year?
- ME: Yes sure, it is always a pleasure to see my staff get promoted, but in order for this request to be approved by HR, I need your support. Send me what you did this year and why you think you deserve a promotion and before that, please visit the promotion policy in the company and make sure you fulfil what is needed.
As you can see, in both examples I said NO in the end using the Yes, But…. techniques